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It’s been seven months since Brie Hooker, a vegan, moved to Udderly Kidding Dairy to live with her feisty Aunt Eva, a confirmed carnivore.
But tonight there’ll be no family feud over dinner entrees.
Udderly’s hosting a campaign fundraiser for Eva’s best friend, who hopes to be South Carolina’s next governor. The candidate’s son, a pro quarterback, is flying home for the wingding. And Brie’s eager to get a close-up view of the cute tush she’s admired on TV, even though she’s reluctantly sworn off even more tempting local beefcake.
The campaign fundraiser promises to be a huge success until a pitchfork attack turns the goat farm into a crime scene—again.
To protect her friends, Brie puts her sleuthing skills to work. Will she live long enough to find out who’s behind a vicious assault, a kidnapping, blackmail, and murder?
Interview of Chester Finley, sworn enemy of the outsiders trying to steal land, guns, and a way of life from Ardon County, South Carolina, natives.
My name is Chester Finley. I’m a proud native of Ardon County, South Carolina, My family’s lived here for two centuries. My kin fought for the Confederacy in the first War of Northern Aggression.
Now the second Yankee invasion is trying to erase us and our way of life. They’re taking down our flag and the statues of our Confederate heroes. My kin fought for the South. The land is steeped in our blood, and we’re willing to spill more. I fly the stars and bars proudly displaying my heritage and honoring the sacrifice of my relatives. Course it also gives Yankee invaders a bad case of indigestion, knowing they haven’t totally vanquished us.
Sure some of these outsiders have lived here for forty years, but that doesn’t give them the right to change our way of life. They claim to be protecting the land. This is the same land that my ancestors have been protecting for generations without any help from the North. They moved here ’cause of this land they claim we don’t know how to handle. All they’re actually doing is taking away our freedoms. Eva and her left-wing friends really want to steal the rest of our land from us natives. Take zoning. We all know it’s the first step in a United Nations’ scheme to take away private property.
Every time I drive the road that circles Lake Sisel my blood boils. That’s where a bunch of Eva’s friends live, the ones scheming to strip away my kids’ God-given rights to do whatever they want on our property. Heaven forbid, we find some way to make a buck that doesn’t fit with their “plans.”
I hear the prices bandied about for a piss-ant chunk of land with a view of that manmade lake. Not even an acre can go for a million dollars. Nobody from here can afford that. You won’t find any homeboys living on the lake. To make it worse, the land was stolen by the utility company that built that damned lake. What did they pay per acre? Pennies. I’d love to see it drained, turned into a swamp.
I’m a true American, who believes in the second Amendment and the right to bear arms. Yeah, I know Eva Hooker and her buddy, the witch who wants to be South Carolina’s governor, say they own guns and just want a few new safeguards. That’s a lie. They’re out to take away our guns. . Then the commie, Yankee government would have all the guns. That’s when it’ll be all over for us real Americans. Make no mistake about it.
Women don’t belong in politics. Probably sell Alaska back to the Ruskies if it was the wrong time of the month. Eva, that candidate for governor, and Brie, that brat niece of hers, don’t know their place. Well, maybe me and my friends need to remind them. The Bible is crystal clear. Men are intended to rule. Too bad Eva’s husband wasn’t around long enough to knock some sense into her. Irks me no end that the Hooker broad inherited a farm that had been in her husband’s family for generations. We all know Eva was fixin’ to leave the man she’d pledged to obey just before he disappeared.
My daddy owns a funeral home. These days he kowtows to the likes of the Hookers for the privilege of burying their stinking bodies in soil that’s rightly ours. Well, not me, I’m gonna borrow his hearse tonight and lead a parade of fellow patriots up to that Hooker goat farm where they’re holding some fancy party for the uppity woman running for governor. Time to let them know they aren’t gonna pull the wool over our eyes, not going to steal our manhood without a fight.
About the Author
Linda Lovely finds writing pure fiction isn’t a huge stretch given the years she’s spent penning PR and ad copy. Linda writes a blend of mystery and humor, chuckling as she plots to “disappear” the types of characters who most annoy her. Quite satisfying, plus there’s no need to pester relatives for bail. Her newest series offers goodnatured salutes to both her vegan family doctor and her cheese-addicted kin. She’s an enthusiastic Sisters in Crime member and helps organize the popular Writers’ Police Academy. When not writing or reading, Linda takes long walks with her husband, swims, gardens, and plays tennis.